Here is a burning question….
“Coffee sucks cos it’s all based on talk and it can go stale.” Is this true? A buddy of mine raised this question. It is for some…. The way I see it, coffee has its advantages and disadvantages.
Have you ever been sitting on a coffee date, with your leg tapping from the caffeine, your cheeks red from the blood flow and thinking what the HELL am I doing here…. YES! I’ve been there. and IT.SUCKS! It happens to everyone once in their lives. (girls included)
Here are a few things to know about coffee dates before you throw yourself into the shark Pitt!
Advantages:
- Its quick- If the girl has the personality of a house cat you can be out of there and onto your next date faster than Usain Bolt does the 100meters.
- Its cheap, no one really cares about the bill when its cheaper than a $1 hooker.
- You get to shoot the breeze. Personally I like to get to know the girl- You can sum up most girls in 30minutes over coffee. When you have a lot of first dates its all about optimization.
- I like Coffee- I mean I really Love coffee. The proper stuff- the stuff that is picked by underage kids in Brazil and Ethiopia! (Don’t judge me- they need to get a job some how)
- Its casual- most girls are more likely to commit to something that doesn’t involve too much planning
Disadvantages
- Its a cliche’. Its been done a million times and she may think you are boring. Especially if you follow it up with a personality like a fish on the date.
- Its harder to escalate and get her to your house after coffee.
- Its harder to kiss a girl in a coffee shop than it is in a club (although it can and has been done a million zillion times)
- Coffee makes you jittery (caffeine), this can make you come across as nervous.
How to Act on a Coffee Date
- Cool- Be yourself, talk about interesting things (by this I don’t mean your Stamp collection)
- Confident- She is there to see you- she wouldn’t be there is she didn’t like you! Think about how James Bond would act at coffee!
- Calm- Relax, sit back, talk slowly, don’t talk too much.
- Body Language- sit back as if you are calm and confident.
- If you have read anything on NLP- There is a way to match her body language (mirror what she is doing- Please don’t do this in a creepy way) this builds report. (this means that subconsciously makes her feel comfortable with you) **don’t worry about this too much- its a bit advanced and the other points will get you further!
To sum it all up, I dont mind coffee, as long as its in the right frame- I’m there to check out the girl to see if she fills my 
standards. But If you aren’t at that stage- there are easier and better things to do- Like cocktails!
Check out my article on the: best first dates. -coming soon!
Peace
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Spell check would be good
I guess the hardest part is to actually make sure that you do have something interesting to talk about and, even better, if it’s common interest
hahaaahaa
And I thought I was the only one that pissed on Baron’s battery about spelling…
Well I do agree about having something to talk about – but I don’t think it’s something you need to plan. I actually met a really nice artsy chick at Starbucks the other day (I work there a lot) – I just asked to sit down at her table, said “hi” and whipped out my laptop (great so you don’t seem too interested, you’re still on your own mission – which was true), and then kind of like half-way through an email I looked up and her book caught my eye and we started talking about it. She had to leave a few minutes later to meet a friend, but I got her number, and well, the rest is history. Great success!
I reckon leaving the routines at home is the best way to advance once you reach a certain level.
Thanks guys- feel the love! ha ha ha. The more random people you talk to the better you get at talking random BS- or shooting the breeze.
For me I personally always start off by telling a story about my day so far with lots of hook points and open loops.I’ll also ask lots of open ended questions and feed off of her answers.
Its important to remember that you don’t have to fill the conversation the whole time- leave some negative space (silence) but make sure you are completely comfortable with it.
Like I said, coffee is a hard date… but great when you get good at it! If you worried about conversation rather stick to action dates like Hacky Sack, Adventure Golf etc, there is more to talk about!
If not a Coffee date then what?????????????????
Well, the key is to keep things interesting, and make sure there’s action moment-to-moment — which means there’s less pressure on you to create conversation and interest, and just as importantly, makes demonstrating value MUCH much easier.
Think about places you’d go with a guy friend when you’re just shooting the shit, having a laugh, or killing time. IMHO there should be nothing datey about a first date – it’s not romantic to go for a big, fancy dinner, it’s a job interview! (which, btw, is why coffee dates CAN work – and why they don’t when they don’t.)
You might consider: flea markets, music stores (if you’re into it and she is too), exploring interesting/different parts of town, having a milkshake on the beach, going to the botanical gardens. Get creative…
[...] Near term outcome- What you want out of the date? This could be as simple as a second date, a kiss or sex. I know your probably thinking I want all of the above, but gunning for all 3 may come across like you are trying too hard, plus the added pressure won’t help you out. Pick one and plan accordingly. For instance, taking a girl to the driving range or to miniature golf (anything fun or active) during the day will lower your changes of kissing her on that date, but it will drastically increase your chances of having a date 2. This is because she knows she will have fun with you, and like everyone girls love to have fun! Note: Don’t worry if you don’t kiss a girl on the first date- I once only kissed a girl after 5 dates- even though I could have kissed her on date one. Here is my article on Good Coffee Dates. [...]
[...] with one of my girl friends. We went for coffee (It wasn’t a date- but here is an article on Good Coffee Dates) at this cool little shop around the corner and we discussed the happenings of the weekend [...]