We all want to find that special someone, and generally it starts off all the same, you meet through friends, at a bar or club or possibly even the mall. Then you progress through to the first date, hate it or love it, it’s got to be done. This can be a scary concept for some, but it is not as hard as it seems. Hopefully with these simple tips, you will master the art of dating!

The First thing you should think of before you organize a Date.

At the moment the big buzz word is “outcomes based education”. I’d like to create a new theory, “outcomes based dating”. The First thing you got to know about dating is that you want a specific outcome. Without an outcome in mind, you will be indecisive which is the “silent attraction killer”! With “outcomes based dating” you should have a near as well as long term outcome in mind.

• Near term outcome- What you want out of the date? This could be as simple as a second date, a kiss or sex. I know your probably thinking I want all of the above, but gunning for all 3 may come across like you are trying too hard, plus the added pressure won’t help you out. Pick one and plan accordingly. For instance, taking a girl to the driving range or to miniature golf (anything fun or active) during the day will lower your changes of kissing her on that date, but it will drastically increase your chances of having a date 2. This is because she knows she will have fun with you, and like everyone girls love to have fun! Note: Don’t worry if you don’t kiss a girl on the first date- I once only kissed a girl after 5 dates- even though I could have kissed her on date one.  Here is my article on Good Coffee Dates.

• Long Term Outcome- This is without doubt the most important thing you have probably not thought of. Girls read into everything, especially the date.  In your mind it is important to decide what you want the long term outcome of dating this girl to be. DO you want a girlfriend, a friend, a booty call, an open relationship?

This is an important question, because how the girl feels about you will depend a lot on where you take her. For example- taking a girl for cocktails, is very smooth and non boyfriend like, you will have a high chance of her having sex with you- without seeing you as a boyfriend, but taking your date to the park for a picnic comes across as “boyfriendy” (is that even a word) and she may not have sex with you because she doesn’t want to come across as easy or cheap.

A few tips on Dating.

• Don’t put pressure on yourself for the date, the more relaxed you are the more relaxed she’ll be.
• If she is coming on a date with you, it means she likes you already. You don’t have to do anything amazing, just try not to do anything that will screw it up.
• Being 5 minutes (don’t apologise- unless it’s over 10 minutes) late can sometimes work wonders, it shows you aren’t desperate.
• Dates aren’t interviews, don’t ask boring questions.
• Active dates are always a winner. Girls won’t remember what you did or said, but they will remember that they had fun with you, or how they “felt” around you.
• Alcohol always takes the edge off. Having a cocktail or 2 will always help things nicely along. But NEVER get drunk on a date, especially if you picked her up at AA.

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Peace

Baron Bloom

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“Coffee sucks cos it’s all based on talk and it can go stale.”  Is this true? A buddy of mine raised this question. It is for some…. The way I see it, coffee has its advantages and disadvantages.

Have you ever been sitting on a coffee date, with your leg tapping from the caffeine, your cheeks red from the blood flow and thinking what the HELL am I doing here…. YES! I’ve been there. and IT.SUCKS! It happens to everyone once in their lives. (girls included)

Here are a few things to know about coffee dates before you throw yourself into the shark Pitt!

Advantages:

• Its quick- If the girl has the personality of a house cat you can be out of there and onto your next date faster than Usain Bolt does the 100meters.
• Its cheap, no one really cares about the bill when its cheaper than a $1 hooker.
• You get to shoot the breeze. Personally I like to get to know the girl- You can sum up most girls in 30minutes over coffee. When you have a lot of first dates its all about optimization.
• I like Coffee- I mean I really Love coffee. The proper stuff- the stuff that is picked by underage kids in Brazil and Ethiopia! (Don’t judge me- they need to get a job some how)
• Its casual- most girls are more likely to commit to something that doesn’t involve too much planning

Disadvantages

• Its a cliche’. Its been done a million times and she may think you are boring. Especially if you follow it up with a personality like a fish on the date.
• Its harder to escalate and get her to your house after coffee.
• Its harder to kiss a girl in a coffee shop than it is in a club (although it can and has been done a million zillion times)
• Coffee makes you jittery (caffeine), this can make you come across as nervous.

How to Act on a Coffee Date

• Cool- Be yourself, talk about interesting things (by this I don’t mean your Stamp collection)
• Confident- She is there to see you- she wouldn’t be there is she didn’t like you!  Think about how James Bond would act at coffee!
• Calm- Relax, sit back, talk slowly, don’t talk too much.
• Body Language- sit back as if you are calm and confident.
• If you have read anything on NLP- There is a way to match her body language (mirror what she is doing- Please don’t do this in a creepy way) this builds report. (this means that subconsciously makes her feel comfortable with you) **don’t worry about this too much- its a bit advanced and the other points will get you further!

To sum it all up, I dont mind coffee, as long as its in the right frame- I’m there to check out the girl to see if she fills my standards. But If you aren’t at that stage- there are easier and better things to do- Like cocktails!

Check out my article on the: best first dates. -coming soon!

Peace

-Baron Bloom

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