Well, I’m going to frustrate you a little right now. The answer is also you don’t. (But also, you do.)

How helpful was that?

I do what I can, I live to serve…

No, alright here’s the thing: Anglo-Saxon guys (that’s most of us reading this website) are brought up with this weird idea of “equality” with women. And not that equality is bad or anything, but it’s kind of got really weird and warped in our collective consciousness.

Like all the dudes I know from the US, the UK, SA, Aus & NZ all seem to have one thing in common: they’re fags. Ok, no, not really. But come on, when did we suddenly decide we have to get a girl’s permission to show her we find her attractive and we’d like to do something about it? Or, let our self-esteems be defined by the women we hook up with, or don’t (this is a SERIOUS problem, honestly, with guys I know at all stages of game – and it is not healthy.)

But There’s A Better Way Of Being – For Everyone

I know that sounded a little like a political slogan. But please don’t vote for me. And definitely don’t buy anything from me. I am asking you right now please not to buy anything from me! If you throw your money at me, I will not take it!

But listen to this, because when it really clicks for you it’ll change you.

Your role as a man is, well, to be the man. If you adopt that frame (‘way of thinking and acting’) they’ll automatically adopt their woman frame. They expect three things from men in this mode:

1. Your chivalry and marks of respect towards them.
2. Be responsible for yourself and take care of yourself and have a plan. You don’t need or want their affirmation and their feelings about your actions are irrelevant. Your life is complete on its own.
3. You to take what you want, and if you’re doing (1) and (2) right, that should be them.

When you get this right, women know how to act. They’ve seen it in the rom-coms they adore so much. They’ve seen it in the action films we watch. We all know what a man is supposed to look like, but we believe those men are mythical, and so we act like women with penises.

Here’s the thing though: girls don’t want another a girl with a penis – they want a man.

The European Way

We’re going to jump around here a little bit. Because I like to keep you on your toes…

European guys aren’t the same as we are. They’re sleazy, sure. But get this, they also understand how to act to be ‘real’ archetypical men. That’s because all of our male archetypes come from our European history – we’ve done all kinds of clever and useful things, like letting women vote and work and all, but we’ve forgotten that we are fundamentally different from one another, even if we do the same stuff. (And that’s a powerful, positive thing, it’s not a denigration of women, or men, but an affirmation of who we truly are, and the beauty of who we really are.)

European guys taught me a thing or two. I thought I was pretty good before I came to Europe two years ago, but those guys taught me about Alpha maleing (hint: you can be extremely charming and polite, but firm and unassailable), and about how-to hit on a girl.

Like, I was with this one Italian girl, she was telling me about how she hated English dudes because they have no balls. She was all like, “…and you know, I was really interested in him, I was flirting so outrageously – we were having coffee and I even let my bra strap show, and he didn’t do anything! He couldn’t have missed that!”

Um, yeah, well he did – most of us are so busy waiting for a loud booming voice, or her to kiss us, that we don’t pick up the little signs, and when we do it’s too late.

The Solution

Stop being a fag.

OK, that’s not a great solution is it. Here’s a better one, and the one I myself practice, as does every good pick up artist I’ve ever met: stop giving a shit about her approval. If she’s laughing at your jokes, if she’s asked you a question and been interested in keeping the conversation with you alive, if she’s looking you in the eye and standing or sitting near you, touching you occasionally in the convo (careful: a lot of girls will not do this!), she is keen.

What needs to happen now is for YOU to organise circumstance to be able to make a move on you. Her job is to make herself available to you, your job is to fucking do it.

Take the lead and take her hand, invade her space, plant a kiss on her, grab her close. She wants it, she’s probably doing everything in her power to show you that – the problem is, she’s a lady.

Now you need to be a gentleman.

Our next article in our Free Pick Up Tactics newsletter is on how to make the move - sign up through this link.

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Almost every pickup “guru” or coach will tell you the same thing: you need to be something different to be a PUA. They won’t say it like this, but what they really mean is: “You’re not good enough as yourself, please be something else.”

Be talkative (Mystery), be hypnotic / use the right patterns (Ross Jefferies), use the right routines, plow through, etc.

(Please comment with the catch-lines of gurus you know of)

I’m not saying they’re wrong. But what if you’re not talkative? Or hypnotic? Or someone who like plowing through?

1. Please try their tactics anyway. Why?
   – These guys are famous in the seduction world for one reason: what they do works, and it works for a lot of people too. It could work for you.
   – Until you’ve done it 20-30 times, you honestly don’t even really know what it’s about.
   – When you stretch yourself by doing something you’re not comfortable with, you grow! (IMHO it’s the only time you truly do – you can read as much as you like about trying to AMOG me / Baron / any of these dudes, but until you come face-to-face with a dude in the field you’re really just having a little mind-wank). E.g. I love Tony Robbins, apart from being one of the world’s greatest communicators, he has an amazing way of using his voice to create frames. So what did I do? I spent 3 months playing with my voice, talking super-deep, cross-pitching to super-high, etc. I’m not saying you should do it, but after those embarrassing 3 months I came out on the other side understanding vocal tone, and unconsciously telling much better stories because of it.
   – The core of any good pick-up artist is knowing who you are, and how you communicate best. You don’t know until you test what that is.

   
   

   
   

2. Now knowing yourself, well, as well as you do, what are you like? When are you insanely great, or funny, or cool? Who are you with?
   – If you’re really serious about this, please take the time to go and write down a list like that
   – Next, work out how you act in those situations – what kind of body language do you have? What tone? What kind of words do you use – super slang, or clean language..? Remember, there are no wrong answers here – you are yourself, and when you are at your best your gurus might be at their worst and vice-versa.

The key then (for today) is to begin to look inside and work out what makes you great in those situations. If you think you suck all the time, you’re not looking hard enough. You might not be Johnny Depp in charm, but you’ve got something in some situations. Our job is to work out what that is and grow it, and expose it, and ultimately use it to get you a harem of hotties.

I’ll Tell You A Secret

I’m not like my gurus.

In fact, I’m dead-set different to most of the guys who taught me, and even a lot of guys who are conventionally great with girls. Do I get laid? Fuck yes. Do girls and people love me? (All right let’s forgive my arrogance a moment – do they relate well to me?) Damn straight. I dare say, better than a lot of these guys.

It’s not because I’m better than they are. You won’t beat these guys at their own game, if you’re trying to get a girl by acting like a jock you’re going to lose! Sure, there are great AMOG tactics you can use and throw in, but if you build your game by trying to model their body-language, their ways of speaking, ways of PU, you’ll improve, but they’ll always beat you. Because it’s theirs, and you’re not being real.

Seduction For Introverts

You don’t need to be a keyboard jockey sitting on My-Twit-Face to pick up girls if you’re an introvert (having said that, I think the community’s aversion to technology is a little bit Luddite – look it up. If it works, it works, right?). But you do need to learn how to pick up girls AS YOURSELF. Not a mini-Mystery, or a David-Blaine wannabe.

I’m shy naturally. Of course, I’ve worked off a lot of that over 10 years and 7 or 8 000 approaches. But I’ve leveraged it to my advantage.

See, girls love a challenge too. If you’re cocky and funny and interesting, but at the same time you kind of step back from their attentions they love it. I walk in and own the group, and then when I come to talking to them I act all bashful, I exaggerate it and get all cutesy.

It’s funny, and it works super well because I’ve spent the time to connect my natural self and my natural strengths with female psychology.

And I think that’s at the very heart of seduction, and becoming a better man. If you’d like to get our Member’s only newsletter where we work through the nitty gritty of blow-by-blow techniques to doing that, please sign up on the side bar. But the point I hope you take away from today is simply this:

The World Doesn’t Need Another David Blaine. It Needs You.

Please comment and show me you’re alive! Or I will be forced to set a room of kittens on hunger-strike by gluing their paws to a vinyl floor.

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